who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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