just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
