no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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