There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
