worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
