She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
