my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
