She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
