Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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