Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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