i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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