its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize