my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I have aggressive nipples.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
