You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
