Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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