What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
