i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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