My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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