He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
