"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
