You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
