sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
