All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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