Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
