I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
