The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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