me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
