When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
