There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize