I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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