I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Can you bring me the toilet please
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
