Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
