he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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