So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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