my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
