You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
