Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
