hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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