Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
