Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
