my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
