i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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