Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
