when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
