The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
