Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
