In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
