You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
