if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
