What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
