He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
