Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
