i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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