I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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