Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
