I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
