The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My bed is full of blood and feathers
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
