I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
