she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
