We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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