Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
