like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
