I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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