she woke up with a sticky ear
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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