You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
