I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
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