the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
