Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
