Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
