There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
