this boner is exhausting
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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