I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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