How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
