I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
