She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize