you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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