Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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