Jerry, you need to find god
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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