Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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