Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
