Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
