Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
