doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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