I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
