I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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